A different sight on what I said before

"I'm embarrassed to confess

I am a jealous girlfriend"

"Jealousy" - Marina And The Diamonds

Revising all my My World texts, I see that, even though I wasn't really that wrong in most things I said, there are some things in my posts that were clearly said too quickly and deserved a second thought and some empathy to be spoken about...

The first thing I can think about when it comes to mistakes I've commited is the post "How To Make Real Life Interesting" (LINK): I must say that the post hid some personal issue of mine in it, but thinking slower about it there are some points where I clearly messed up:

• When I said that someday one would want to draw actual animals instead. Well, the simple possibility of drawing an actual 100% animal with the aim of creating pornography is messed up itself. I hope everyone got that what I meant was that, actually, one should not be trying to create that kind of content while being underage. It's OK to draw furries, just keep it safe ;)
• Everything I said about porn is EXCLUSIVELY directed to underage people. After one gets some psychological baggage, they probably won't get influenced by what they see and, actually, have already had real experiences related to the topic. Whatever; what I mean is that the four things I mentioned (manga/anime, video games, the Internet and porn) are not inherently bad but can literally mess up one's life when in excess. Anyway, as I've always said, everyone can do whatever they want with their lives while it doesn't affect any other (friendly reminder that the first point of that post was especifically regarding people who economically depend on others but spend their whole life unemployed plugged to a computer) :_D
• I'm still not sure about the video at the end of the post. Some time ago, I saw a study shared on Facebook that concluded that porn wasn't bad per se. Anyway, I didn't think about the possibility of making this post back then, so I lack the link of it. I recommend searching for different scientific views on the topic and taking a conclusion for oneself.

Another post that lacked some thought was "How To Get EQUALITY" (LINK). This doesn't mean I don't think feminism is stupid anymore, since it would be publicly saying that I accept and encourage every form of abusing on men as a revenge for the patriarchy, which I don't. No, the point I failed on was another:

• An open relationship might not be that easy. I literally said one could happily allow their significant other to have sex with others and... well, maybe some people can (heroes, really!), but I must confess it's not my case. By the time I wrote that post, I'd spent much time as a single person and quite angry with love itself for the sentimental kick my relationship with my ex represented for me. Well, a lot of things have changed in the last months, and that's one of them. Right now, looking at my feelings, I must say that I'd feel really bad if my boyfriend told me he's been doing that with another person. It's not that I want to own him; I just want him to be happy, I swear; it's just that the fact that he loves me and only me makes me feel special and I love that. Maybe it's something society pressures us to feel, I don't know. I'm simply not that strong, sorry.

Those are the most significant mistakes I can think about. If you disagree with anything else I said, I encourage you to tell me by commenting on the concrete post you don't agree with :)

I got FROOT!

"Froot!"

"Froot" - Marina And the Diamonds

 

Last Thursday (yesterday, to be honest) my parents gave me a very special gift: they bought me FROOT! Yes, FROOT, Marina and The Diamonds' new album! I was the happiest thing on Earth (and still I am!)!

The Deluxe Edition of the album includes a booklet with the lyrics of all the songs, which make a rainbow effect: each track's lyrics are written in a color, from yellow and orange ("Happy" and "Froot", respectively) to dark green and warm green ("Savages" and "Immortal"), passing through light red ("I'm A Ruin"), dark red ("Blue"), pink ("Forget"), strong pink ("Gold"), purply pink ("Can't Pin Me Down"), purple ("Solitaire"), dark
blue ("Better Than That") and greensh blue ("Weeds").

I love all of the tracks in the album ♥ ♥ ♥ ! My personal favorites are "Gold", "Immortal", "Forget", "Blue" and "Savages".

♥ A M A Z I N G ♥

What if I was an animator?

"Imagination, life is your creation"
"Barbie Girl" - Aqua

Lately I've been thinking about starting making animations based on my drawings and thoughts. I've been thinking, also, about animation in general: apart from made-for-children animation, I can see a lot of people expressing thoughts and views through stories, sometimes in a quite subtle way and sometimes loudly and clearly.

Jack Croc meets clothing!

So, what if I created a world for my characters? They would stop being empty bodies, they would have their own thoughts and opinions, which would lead them to act in different certain ways (I guess J. Croc would start wearing some kind of shirt at last!)... And that's simply wonderful! I'll always say creating a virtual world is a very special thing (hello, science fiction authors) which really helps a human to grow, so I've started to work on my first animation. I've already done the script (in Spanish, though) and I'll end the characters' design in some days (I've got two characters out of four!).

Regarding movement and animation, I guess it will have to wait until I get the possibility and experience to do it right, but I'm sure it's going to be worth it!

A little bit of Spanish History for proud Spanish people

[AUDIO COULD NOT BE FOUND]

"You say that love is not that easy
And that’s the lesson that you teach me
So hypocritical, overly cynical
I’m sick and tired of all your preaching"

"Hypocrates" - Marina And The Diamonds
 

It's not really rare to hear stupidities such as "Spain has been a really great nation until the 2008 crisis!" from people who can't really look beyond their nose. OK, it is true that Spain used to culturally destroy regions all over the world, but it doesn't really mean it was a "great nation". No, it has never been good as a nation: culturally, even America is far beyond Spain, and TV shows it quite well; nowadays, success in Spain is equal to dumbness and... overall, being a scumbag.

But let's focus on the twentieth century: Spain has suffered the most absurd dictatorship ever, established by the least charismatic being ever... which was FORTY YEARS LONG! Wow, next time this happens, let's let them rape our country a little bit longer, okay?

Can I puke already?

And people still forget the most funny parts! Did you know a nuclear bomb was thrown during that period? Yes, it's referred as The 1966 Palomares B-52 Crash, an "error" committed by the U.S. Air Force which led a nuke to be dropped near Murcia; an accident, of course! IT WAS NOT MADE TO SCARE ANY DICTATOR, NO, IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT! And everyone believed that and actually forgot it! Yay! The funniest part of all of it was by far when Spanish politicians bathed in Palomares to show people there was no danger (and THEY WERE NOT FORCED BY ANYONE, OF COURSE!)... By the way, that has NO RELATIONSHIP with radioactivity found in waters and fields in Murcia decades later!

OK, but the sixties and Franco are quite far from today, aren't they? Let's move to the 80's, concretely to 1983. From the mentioned year to 1987 Spain had a fun fun thing called Grupos Antiterroristas de Liberación or GAL, groups of para-policemen committing terrorism themselves to "stop the terrorists of ETA", led by the PSOE (the two most popular political parties in Spain are assassins, deal with it) and financed by important officials within the Spanish Interior Ministry.

Source: Wikipedia (CLICK TO EXTEND)

And, once again, there's a political background behind these facts: terrorism was just an excuse, all they wanted to erase was Basque nationalist activism. Shame on you, PSOE.

But this is not really related to today, is it? Well, after the mentioned PSOE legislature, a PP (aka. children of Franco) legislature came out with a man called Aznar. What this man did was basically raising the housing bubble higher and higher so it could explode in the next president's face. And it did; in 2004, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, from PSOE, got covered with Aznar's sh*t and, a few years later, BOOM! CRISIS! And that's basically the reason why we're how we are right now, heh.

It is true that 1966 is the furthest I can rewind (my sources are limited!), but I wonder what would happen if someone spent some time on collecting and writing these things since much earlier... It would be very funny, I'm sure.

We live in Europe's stinky belly button, deal with it.

Is gender necessary?

"Well I, I wanna tell you a secret
You can take your double standard love and keep it"

"Hermit The Frog" - Marina And The Diamonds
 

So far, I've written about male and female stereotypes (entry about this) and the great fault in usual female behavior when it comes to relationships (entry about this). But, what's the origin of all these problems? Do we really need to separate between men and women? Well, I would say no: nowadays, we've got so many alternatives that make biologically straight pairs useless; when we fall in love with someone we do it because of a person, not because of a man or a woman.

But, then, why have we spent more than fifty centuries conserving that useless division? Regardless of religious issues during History, the most evident reason why we cut our society in between two genders is the domination of one of them. In modern times, the most common situation (and pretty much the only one, to be
honest) is the ownage men do on women, giving to half of population some kind of privilege but also chains and figurated prisons to the other half.

And, eventually, women opened those prisons!

Luckily, since the nineteenth century, women started to push the walls of those prisons and set themselves free progressively. That's why I'm totally sure the division between men and women is not benefitting anyone anymore, so, why don't we just erase it from society? It's good for nothing and it hurts half of the world's population. What if I like a diva's dress and I want to wear it along with my male attributes? Is it a crime? Of course it isn't my case, I just want to get rid of those attributes, but I'm sure you understand my point: there is no such situation as one where gender stereotypes are useful or good: if you truly loved your lover, you wouldn't care about their sex or gender (which is NOT the same, since gender is a social construction while sex is a biological truth).

That's why, here and now, I want to say: I am NOT A TRANSGENDER, I am TRANSSEXUAL. I don't care about my gender anymore, I don't want to belong to the female gender since the female gender is a social deillusion. I just want to be a sexually female being: I'm talking about sex, not gender; sex is having a vag*na while gender is being one.

Why do men cheat on women?

"Who are those great looking dolls?
It's quick curl Barbie and mod hair Ken
But what do I do with my old Barbie?
Su-Barbie-A
Su-Barbie-A
(Oh Yeah) Su-Barbie-A
If you're going to tell me you don't like this dress
I'm sticking my head right in the oven"

"Part 5: SU-Barbie-A" - Marina And The Diamonds

There isn't any possibility for someone to do something as wrong as cheating on their pair without any reason or excuse, so I've been thinking: do wives and girlfriends do something that repulses husbands and boyfriends? Well, every person is completely different, but I can see some similarities on cheated wives and girlfriends' way to act in pair, so I would say they do.

To understand this, we need to take a look at genre stereotypes (entry about this): we've reached a point in which housewives are just trying to be likable to their man, objectifying themselves and becoming less of a person, getting friendless and staying all day at home.

When a man is looking for a woman, he's obviously looking for a person, someone in the same level to share their lives with. So once he's dealing with an object, then, there are two possibilities: him using that object, which leads to mistreating and gender abuse, or him getting frustrated, trying to make his woman happier to personify her and, if that doesn't work, forsaking her and looking for a true person. Both cases, unless the second one works, lead to cheating.

What I mean with this entry is that, if girls are really looking for a boy to share their lives together, they shouldn't be getting themselves below their boyfriend or husband: they have to be as independent as their man is, having their own lives and enjoying their own moments. It's the only way to make a man happy: if he truly loves you, he will only be happy if you are, and being an object will only get you depressed and suicidal.

Males and items, the archetypes

"Girls and their curls and their gourmet vomit
Boys and their toys and their six inch rockets"

"Homewrecker" - Marina And The Diamonds
 

Yesterday I was watching some kind of Spanish sitcom (that was quite one of the reasons to say "Spanish things suck") called La Que Se Avecina. Just don't watch it. EVER. The thing is that I saw a really annoying stereotype in it: a retard ape, called Amador, was trying to mate with some female apes (like in almost every single chapter of the sitcom), encouraged by his friends (all of them were males, of course) while his wife was concerned about how much Amador loved her. What a wonderful truth of society: if the woman was the one trying to fuck, she would be called a bitch... and she was, indeed, when once she cheated on her husband!

.

But, by far, the worst part of gender stereotypes is how it makes all males exactly the same. Boys have forgotten they have to cry and show their emotions, and that made them really less likable to girls! Can't they see? What a girl looks for in a boy is someone who understands her, who has the same feelings that her! Of course, insensitive boys get sex, but there's no way they get true love, because there's no way they're showing it to their pairs, so all they are going to get is someone with a broken heart who truly loved them and was actually destroyed by their inability to show any feeling!
 

An example of musclegut. Art by Grisser

And they will keep following the stereotype like sheep because they are naive enough to think every girl likes the same (no, sweetie, I'm a girl and I like males with big bellies, and I am not the only one)! Every time I see the typical Facebook photo of a skinny (not necessarily sexy) girl with a chubby boyfriend it is followed by comments as beautiful and lovely as "she loves him for his money" or "she's just a bitch, she doesn't even like him"... Well, I just can't conceive how someone can like skinny guys: hugging someone that hard is just like embracing a pole so, tell me, why would I want a skinny guy if I have a nice streetlight just in front of my house? I want to present you another kind of guy: it's called musclegut, and it consists of a boy with enormous arm muscles and a big belly. I personally call these men Epic legendary huggers and, believe me, I can't conceive how someone can like better any other kind of man (lucky we are, of likes diversity, though!).

But... Hey, wait! Don't you think girls are better than boys in a single point! See, I'm SO TIRED of women trying to be liked by men as a major goal! Half of females is trying to get rights and get to the same point of men... while the other half is full of sexual items proud of being so! Girls don't seem to want their brains and hearts to be recognised, they just wear the most revealing clothes they can, shake their "booties" for the boys and judge each other; that's not a brained woman, that's a barbie for some guy to take and replace!
 

Take a look at an ancient sexual female stereotype!

And, of course, girls have the same exact problem with physical stereotypes: why do they think every guy likes the same? It is not even biologically logical! Just look at the female anatomy: they are not meant to be skinny as society teaches them to be, sheesh! They aren't even meant to be skinny at all!
 

I find stereotypes awful, and I find people following them even more awful. There's no way I'm changing my point of view about it.
 

Get real bodies, males, soft ones.

Fear and Loathing

"Don't wanna live in fear and loathing
I wanna feel like I am floating
Instead of constantly exploding
In fear and loathing"

"Fear and Loathing" - Marina and The Diamonds

Just a few weeks ago, if someone had asked me for the worst error a teenager can commit, I would have said it is to be oneself. I had heard a lot of people say "Just be yourself" with a smile like they said something right, and I only wanted to kick them all in their faces. All I knew and all I had learnt from high school was that if I was myself, people was going to judge me and be repulsed by me.

It's just that when you commit an error, when you do something "not socially accepted", or even when you are kind when someone "weird", you really get to think you become the weirdo and you really get yourself in fear of other people's opinions. I had a theory: "Society is divided in three groups: girls (50% of society), stupid boys (24'99% of society), homosexual boys (25% of society) and exceptions (0'01% of society).", and I would really swear it was true. If I have to be sincere, I must admit when I think about that theory I notice the figures are totally crazy: of course there are a lot of "stupid boys" but, luckily, there are a lot of exceptions as well (actually, I was being quite unfair to think every single gay man is not a twat, wasn't I?)!

But the positive truth comes when one makes the step to ask sincerely about other people's opinions about oneself. That is when you get to know who are the stupid boys, which are quite a lot, but you get to know a lot of exceptions as well and, guess what: most males are exceptions... so they're actually not exceptions! The worst of all is that when you ask a stupid boy for some reason why you're "bad", "sick" or "weird", you notice how right you are being who you are. But the best thing is that you get to discover that, after all, you have real friends that won't judge you negatively.

Of course, this all gets wrong when your way to be makes you tend to hurt others pointlessly. Then your goal should be to change that way to a more positive one for you and the people of your environment.

The point of all this is that, even if you're the least common person in the whole world, you only get a really little number of "haters" and they aren't even right, so take your fear of opinions off and enjoy the admiration true people shows to you for daring to be yourself.

Him

"Why carry on without me?"

"Everytime" - Britney Spears

I can perfectly remember how my life finally got a meaning. It was on late February, in 2014. I was playing League of Legends with my brother and some of his friends when He came out.

He was my brother’s boyfriend’s cousin. He used to make jokes about almost everything; sometimes that was such cruel, especially when it came to jokes about other people, but he was still great fun. I don’t know why, but I just felt that I simply agreed with everything he said, even things that would make me angry two hours before. I was… weird.

The next month was just perfect. We spent whole afternoons talking through Facebook. He was usually quite nerdy, he loved computers and videogames, and I liked that. Sometimes, joking, he called me “honey” or “cutie” (he already knew I’m a girl), and I… I was just the happiest being in the world imagining those words could be true in some time.

Days passed, and everything he did was just perfect to me. I checked his Facebook photos… and he was gorgeous! How could someone be so perfect? I just wanted to tell him I loved him, meet him and hug him for hours, because it was so true. But I was really afraid he would sure say “no” and block me. I really thought no one would ever be interested in me…

And the day finally came. It was March 24^th, and I was so nervous I had to lock me in my room for some hours before daring to ask him. But finally, the moment came. I was trembling: what if he said no? It was better to admire him from the distance than to lose him forever…

I dared. I sent him the message. Facebook said “Seen”. He had seen it…

And the moment came out. I was hidden under the computer desk and it sounded like a new message. I was really sure it would be a “WTF don’t talk to me ever again!” or something like that, but I’d never know unless I stood up and saw it… HE FELT THE SAME! Oh, God! It was the best moment in my life, I’m sure of that!

The next month was just perfect. He made me smile every single second. We played League and Ragnarok Online together and, no matter how I’d fail or how we’d lose by my fault, I’d never get stressed because he was there telling me I had played great. We talked through Facebook for hours (and even days when it came to weekends). I used to chat with him when my parents were asleep so they wouldn’t complain, and it was still sweet because his words were just bigger than any fear to get caught. He came to my home once, and I had the two best days of my life with him… I could just die right there, because he was right next to me.

He lived in Barcelona, and I lived far away from him. That distance made me miss him every time. I couldn’t stand school anymore, I just wanted to get home and make him smile telling him that he was perfect and gorgeous, because I loved to tell him the truth.

Once we were talking to a female friend of him through Skype. I was really jealous, because he was calling her “honey” and “cutie” as a joke… but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want him to get upset. After that I was very sad because he told me that he loved my voice and didn’t want me to stay silent ever again… So I guess I got him upset anyway.

But life was just about to teach me fairytales don’t always have that happy ending everyone thinks about. One day he told me he was going to be without Internet for a month… and I just really wanted to die. He told me that he was afraid of forgetting me, and I told him I was sure he wouldn’t forget me if he truly loved me.

But… he did.

After a month, he came back just to tell me he didn’t want to carry on with our relationship and erase me as a Facebook friend. I just wished I could die. I really wanted to. I spent the next months crying and doing absolutely nothing. I really thought it was my fault because I wasn’t a real girl and I wasn’t good enough for him. I just hoped he would come back and tell me he misses me, because the only thing my heart could say is that if we had felt the same so far, it shouldn’t change. I must confess if I didn’t try to die by myself it was because of that hope…

That never happened.

My brother told me that he had been a moron for leaving me without any reason and that he would never come back because one does not just stops loving, and that meant he didn’t love me at all.

I guess that made me abandon my hopes, but it gave me some auto-esteem because I knew it was not my fault.

It was on late August that I received a message from him. He said he was sorry for leaving me without a reason and… introduced his new girlfriend to me. She was the girl we spoke to through Skype months earlier.

He acted like he was my friend for some days. He seemed full of good intentions but I… I just hated him. I don’t know why. I don’t know how such a positive feeling can get so dirty in just five months… But I just told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and we said goodbye to each other.

I didn't block him... I still wonder why.